Hershey Neurosurgeon Visit 1

Funny, according to everyone else, I got "great news" today.

Yes, I'm not dying.

Yes, my tumor is operable.

Yes, it's pushing on important parts of the brain, but not too badly.

Yes, my tumor is not causing me major symptoms.

But, yes, I still need to have my skull cut open, my brain manipulated to the side and a tumor cut from my brain... all the while not injuring any of the facial/cranial/optic nerves that it is growing around.

Hm...

I'm too exhausted.  Too exhausted. Too exhausted to type.  Maybe too exhausted to realize how good this is?!?  Maybe too exhausted to be utterly thankful that it's not life threatening.  Jason says it's a lot like prepping yourself for a big fight... that just doesn't happen.  Your adrenaline is up and it will take time to level out.  I hope.  

I'll go back to Hershey in February for a hearing test, detailed MRI and re-consultation.  If there is no no growth, I can continue to wait or I can schedule surgery.  If there is any growth, I must schedule surgery.

Is it weird that i just want them to cut it out of me and be done with it?!?  I want it GONE.

But, after a good nights sleep, I may wake saying that I want to sit and watch it for the next 5 years.  That's a benefit to being a girl... I'm allowed to change my mind as much as I want!

I am waiting to hear from the U of Penn to see when my second opinion will be.  I'm praying they give me the same info.  Otherwise, my brain (and tumor) may literally explode!

I'm thankful that it is not emergent.  I'm thankful - so thankful- that it is not cancerous.  I'm thankful that this can be handled at Hershey, and I don't have to drive to a big city.  I'm thankful that I have health insurance.  I'm thankful that I'm not dying - VERY THANKFUL. But I'd be lying if I dod't say that I'm a little bitter, even a little "ungrateful" for the "good" news.

 Who wouldn't be...

                                        right?