Jason is FORTY-NINE!!!

 Jason's birthday.

49 this year.

1 away from the big 5-0.

I had no idea how we would celebrate- or lack there of.  But, since we've been trying, I decided to rebook our canceled trip from April - Tropicana Resort in Atlantic City. 

We sure do have a great time when we are away together with no responsibilities and just having fun. (Especially when having some drinks and dancing!)  We even ended up staying an extra night.

Jimmy the 12 Year Old Middle Schooler

 Happy birthday to one of the kindest, brightest, funniest people I know. The last few months have been really hard on him, but he is pushing on.  Nan threw him a family birthday party on his actual birthday party.  It was fun to be with all of his cousins. And it was really nice for me to not have t throw the party, LOL. Jimmy then invited a few friends over for Chick Fil A, swimming and a sleepover a few days later. multiple 12 year olds in the house can get exhausting! Jimmy is funny... he decided on Bluey plates (he's never even watched that toddler show).  He and his friends also went together to the Middle School dance to meet all of the other school's kids their age. He had a great time. 

Visit to Jennibelle in LAX

 Since March 15th, My kids and may world has been DIFFICULT and CRAZY.  Jenni has had a real hard time with things, so I decided to go visit her for her 20th birthday.  She's too angry with Jason to let him come, so I decided to take Jaylee with me. We flew out May 22-27. 

It was a really nice time seeing what she's up to out there and what her life is like. It was nice to meet her boyfriend Logan too! 

We arrived late on the 22nd and stopped at In and Out Burger... pretty good though I don't understand all the hype. Of course, the girls picked up being BFFs right off the bat again. Love that!

On her birthday, we woke early for breakfast and then walked around the beautiful Echo Park. We spent the afternoon with Jenni prepping hot dogs, loading drinks and wagons into the vans, and then heading out on the streets of Skid Row.  I should have been terrified.  It is a scary place. Jennibelle is right where she is supposed to be though. I felt very safe with her. I could see God working through her. I felt so incredibly proud of her. Afterwards, we got all dolled up for dinner to celebrate with a few of her friends. Dinner was  delicious!!

The 24th, in LA only reassured me that Jennibelle is doing what she should be doing. We spent the morning in the William Mead Housing Projects hanging out with the community. Jenni (somehow) is the only Spanish speaking missionary, so she is sought after. We had a fun raffle for the community and then spent hours being invited into homes for visits. Many people invite HER in week after week, and were so excited to know that it was her birthday weekend and to meet her family- you can tell they adore her, and she adores them. Her friend Kimberly gave us a concert on her electric guitar. In the late afternoon, we three headed to Santa Monica Pier and Venice beach. No one was working out, but it was such a FUN night!! There was a skateboard and rollerskating park. Some of the palm trees were spray painted and looked so cool. We drove down Sunset Blvd in Hollywood to peek at the famous stars, but Hollywood was a scary dump! It was like a mix of Vegas and NYC, and not in a good way.

The 25th was a Sunday so we started the day at her church... the Dream Center's Los Angeles Temple. Logan then drove us to Manhattan Beach for the day. It was a cool little CA vibe beach town, rather than an LA vibe beach. We ended the day watching the sun set at the Griffith Conservatory... WOW!! The sun going down makes a huge difference in temperature. The views were crazy- you see them in movies but you don't understand it until you experience it.

The 26th was Memorial Day so we had Jenni all day! Logan drove us all up the mountains to take a hike. The drive there was verve wracking... we were VERY VERY high. The trip there took us through neighborhoods that were burnt down in January by the Pasadena Fires. Jenni and Logan have both worked at thesis sites, sifting through ash for any valuable remains. Heartbreaking and terrifying. We ended the night being chauffeured through Beverly Hills, down Rodeo Drive, pass many fancy buildings/homes. We also shopped at a huge outdoor area called The Grove. We had our final LA (Mexican) dinner and said our goodbyes to Logan. We are hoping to see him at Christmas time!

We flew out early on the 27th. It was nice seeing Jennibelle and being able to reunite, especially with everything going on at home. It was nice to get out of Lititz! It was nice to just have girl time. It was nice to glimpse into Jennibelle's everyday life. I don't necessarily ever have to return to LA though... I'm happy to have experienced it, but the homeless issue is out of control, the trash is everywhere and I don't understand how such wealth can literally be living next door to such poverty. I don't know why anyone wants to love there, especially raise a family there. Other than the water...

4 month Post Op 2nd Brain Tumor Removal

 Somehow, it's been 4 months. 

It feels like 4 years, yet it feels like 4 weeks.

SO much has happened. And has not happened.

Let me think back to where I started from immediately post-op...

Great news... I have full function of the right side of my face. I can use a straw like a champ, chew, close my eye, everything my old face used to do!!

However, it is confirmed that I am COMPLETELY deaf on the right side too. And the tinnitus is only getting worse.  My ENT referred me to UPenn. I have an appointment with the cochlear-implant surgeon on June 26. That's my only option- IF I am even a candidate.

My hematologist and I decided that I should stay on blood thinners (Eloquis) for the rest of my life... "You've already survived 2 PE's, do you think you'd survive 3?!?"

PT for my dizziness/lightheadedness was effective- they found that other than my cranial nerve being screwed up, I also had crystals in both of my ear tubes. I am still struggling with random dizziness or when I move quick. I have home PT exercises that I should;d be doing twice a day, but I have not done them in a few days now... whoops. 

In the meantime, with my neck tightness on the right side, and laying only only right side so I can hear with my left ear, and probably beginning peri-menopause- I started with bursitis of my right shoulder. I saw the shoulder Dr to get a rx for PT since I was already there. PT only aggrieved it though. Being on blood thinners makes. cortisone shot pretty risky she said. I have had 2 massages on my shoulder in 10 days, both of which helped a lot. SO, tomorrow I will tell PT that I am going to stop seeing them until after my MRI in 8 days and the Dr decides what I should do. 

Speaking of peri-menopause... I have an appt with a menus certified Dr on Friday. I am not sure if this fatigue, brain fog, not remembering words, saggy face skin, rapidly declining vision and sleep problems are post-op recovery issues or if I just hit hormonal issues at the same time. I also have had the most stressful 5 weeks of my life, and started on Lexapro 3 weeks ago- so that may even be adding to it.

I am a mess!

Hopefully I don't think of more...

My life changed…

…Just like that. 

Though it has actually taken a little while, it happened Just. Like. That. 

*Poof*

Game over.

Heart broke.

Family done.

Start over. 

So, I’m starting over- right now. 

No sense spending too much time grieving it 

(Ask me again in a few days!)

Anyway, while I was trying to avoid life all day and NOT think, Facebook was on FIRE!

They must have read the texts that I read ;)

They’re listening…. 

Argue

 All we do is argue...

How can one of us think that all we do is argue and the other think something totally different? Are we living in two different realities? Do we only argue about the same issues but with different words or is it really every single thing that we argue about? How is this our life? How is this the life that I am living? And.. what am I going to do about it?

Jackson's 14th

 Jackson turned 14 today and I can tell that it is going to be such a great year!

He celebrate with 6 friends at SkyZone for quite a while- we paid for a 90 minute jump but it turned into more of a 150 minute jump.  Then we headed over to Cici's Pizza Buffet. Thank goodness all of the boys enjoyed it. It was so gross!!  Jimmy and Jackson were competing to see who could eat the most they LOVED it. 

Can Vs Can Not

What I can do...

Be Alive 

What I can not do...

Hear out of my right ear.

Not hear static noises.

Figure out where noises are coming from.

Hear most people/things trying to get my attention.

Tolerate loud rooms.

Seal my right eye shut.

Swim in the ocean, without goggles.

Wash my face without holding my eye shut.

Walk with great balance.

Move my head with spinning/dizziness.

Ride in a car or roll on a bed without wanting to vomit.

Dance.

Sing

Scream.

Drive.

Walk on an inclined surface.

Cry tears out of my right eye.

Smile with me entire mouth- and cheek.

Massage my trigeminal neuralgia aching jaw.

Drink out of straw correctly.

Taste everything normally.

Smell everything normally.

Chew, without concentrating on it.

Get rid of the weird flavor lingering on my right cheek.

Know if there's post-shower water in my ear.

Bend Over.

Lift/move more than 10 lbs.

Exercise.

Stop gaining weight.

Dance.

Be in a loud room.

Hear. 

Swim.

Hear.

Dance.

Be in a loud room. 

Cry normally.

Tolerate noise.

Dance.

Swim.

Hear.

Dance.

Hear.

Drive.

SCREAM!

What I can do...

CRY! (pseudo-normal)

Call an ENT to discuss hearing aid options, if any.

Study sign language with Jennibelle, for across the room discussions.

Be with people one-on-one.

Chill out on the carbs!!!

Walk in place while watching TV.

Start PT.