We first heard about it happening in China.
Then in Italy.
I knew it was coming.
It couldn’t be stopped.
America tried... too little, too late.
And people still bitched that they were being inconvenienced.
It came.
It’s March 31st and...
it hasn’t even come yet.
••••••••••
It’s almost surreal. 17 days in. 17 days that we haven’t left our house except to get groceries or play in our yard. We’re not allowed within 6’ of non-family members. I keep waiting for overhead horror music to boom from the clouds. I feel like I’m not
“reacting like I should”.
This is it- right?
“The Apocalypse”
“The End”
I keep looking up, expecting you see Jesus. It seems like this is when he would make his return. So many mixed emotions- tornados banging around my insides. I’m almost ‘ticked’ at Him, if He will be making an appearance during this- don’t I get to see these magnificent creatures grow up and blossom and spread their wings?!? Doesn’t He know that I wanted to get back to Hawaii sooo badly??
DOESN’T HE KNOW THAT I HAVE PLANS???
Do you know how messed up I KNOW these thoughts are? Does this mean I’m not a true believer? Shouldn’t I be over-the-moon excited to SEE Jesus and to rise up to Heaven? What is wrong with me?!?
I don’t know if I’m supposed to stress and panic-buy food and supplies to help these children fight for their mortal life.
I don’t know if we’re supposed to lie down and pray and say “Your will be done” as they drown.
I don’t know if I’m supposed to do the reasonable middle-of-the-road-approach that I’ve so far chosen.
There’s no play book. We’re all trying our best.
Well, that’s another thing. I find myself so angry at people who aren’t taking this serious, who aren’t staying home with their immediate family, aren’t quarantining like they should be. People who I know and respect- some I love. Blows my mind. It angers me because of the people who MUST be out trying to save us from this, they’re not being given a fighting chance.
I have had to intentionally focus on the fact that I can only control if my little family is doing right. And I am proud to say that we are. I have no worries that I am out there spreading this virus. And, that takes a huge stress of my plate.
Though we don’t personally know anyone sick with COVID yet, I have already had talks with the kids about how we 6 people WILL be personally affected by this. We have a large family, lots of loved ones!!! We’ve even discussed if any of the kids have anything extra special that they would want done at their Memorial Service, should our lives go down that path. Jackson was the only one with a few suggestions. The other kids just got mad at me. I get it- it’s a terrifying conversation, but I don’t want death to come to our front door and them be “blissfully enjoying their school vacation” and be totally blindsided. They know that our lives will NEVER go back to the way they were on March 13, 3020.
I’ve had to leave the house twice- for extra large grocery shopping trips. Talk about anxiety. It took me 3 days to actually go the first time, then 3 hours to actually leave the house, then I Sat in the parking lot for a little while.
I’m (I’d insert irrationally here- but I’m not sure it is) so terrified that I’m going to bring home the virus with me- all it takes is one- ONE- cell of the virus on my clothes, on the plastic grocery store bags, on the cereal box, or on the bagel in the package. I try my best to be careful, but we also must LIVE, not just wipe every item down with Clorox wipes- especially when you have 70 left and then there’s no way of getting any more.
I haven’t spent near enough time in prayer these 3 weeks. Between breakfast, dishes, laundry, lunch, hiking, snacks, dryer, dinner, TV, dishes again, folding clothes, FB, searching YouTube for uplifting sermons, dessert, bed, etc, there has been a whole lot of “talking to the Lord” but not on my knees praying. I’m ok with that, I think He is too. I’ve really been into worship songs too, over the last 2 weeks- to me that’s just like praying, I hope He agrees!!
So here I am...
I certainly feel alone a lot, though there’s 6 of us in this 1800 sq ft house. I’m sure other Moms feel that way too. I’m here for the food and chores. No one wants to take walks with me when I ask, or play games. Jason is working 10+ hour days from home, when he’s off the kids are lined up to play with him. He never wants to have a serious conversation, so I can’t talk to him about any of this- he and I are pretty much done, relationship wise. So here I sit blogging- one form of therapy for me:) I also cry it out in the shower often, then end it belting out Worship songs. My 2 favorites right now are Way Maker and I Sing A Hallelujah. It’s just lonely.
Certainly not what I envisioned the end of the world to look like.
I honestly pray that 12 months from now I read this and giggle.
Here’s a timeline so you can see how quickly things escalated...
Jan 29:1st USA Dx
Feb 29: 1st USA outbreak- Seattle Nsg Home
March 5: Masks sold out everywhere.
March 12: Last day at school. Outbreak near Philly.
Toilet Paper/Clorox sold out everywhere.
March 13: Jason sent home to work. Warwick closes school x 1week. PA Gov closes PA schools x 2weeks.
March 14: Girls at WHS Musical. Then began family quarantine.
Jenn & Jason stock up grocery shop. Bread, tortillas, chicken, ham, frozen pizza, TP and paper products GONE.
March 16: Gov closes all “non essential businesses”. “Social Distancing” Jaylee and I quit work for now.
March 18: LGH 1st Dx (results take 4 days)
March 19: Jason’s computer stops- heads to work, car dies at Walmart, I go jump him.
March 22: Dosie Dough (Jaylee’s work) closes.
March 23: Jenn gets groceries. (Anxiety!)
I wear gloves, take Clorox wipes. There’s no cleaning or paper products at stores.
March 24: Gov “no school until April 9”
March 27: Gov “Stay at Home” order until May
March 28: 1st LGH death. 2751 PA cases, 40% age 29-44.
Nikki’s mom is making us masks.
March 31: Gov “school closed indefinitely”
Jenn to grocery store and Turkey Hill.
5805 PA cases, 157 in Lancaster co, 3 deaths here.
163,199 USA cases, 2850 deaths.
823,626 World cases, 40,598 deaths.
April 2: First day of online school.
April 3: Gov says to make cotton masks and wear in public.
Lititz first responders drive around Lititz in a parade:)
(Not a parade- a “By appointment only Lititz First Responders waving from a proper social distance in an outside environment vehicle procession”)
April 7: Lititz Police host a virtual Easter Egg Hunt around Lititz.
Mandy and kids stop - in their car- x 5 mins.
April 8: Jason’s work re-opens after a deep clean.
2 employees +COVID, 1 died.
14,599 PA cases, 490 in Lancaster Co., 14 deaths here.
Jenn to Grocery Store: everyone in masks, store laid out “one way” with arrows on floor showing which way traffic moves, only every 3rd checkout open to keep people 6’ apart. Everything in stock except Lysol products!
Nan + Poppop stop by to drop off Easter candy- stay 10’ apart. First time to see them in 1 month.
April 9: Gov “Schools closed for the year”
April 12: EasterSunday.
April 13: Tornados throughout PA
April 17: Selina provides us a catered dinner, then we play Kahoot with them via Zoom.
April 18: Rotary pushes Brazil trip back x 12 months.
April 19: Birthday surprise parade for Karen from Paraguay.
April 20: Governor Stay-at-home order extended to May 8.
Jenn to Grocery store, Giant.
As of today, masks mandated in order to enter buildings. Meteor storm, Jenn Jaylee JB & Jack watch from Meg’s dark long driveway.
April 23: Jenn and Jaylee to Target to get things not at Giant. Jaylee kept hands in her pocket the entire time. Masks mandatory to enter. Plexiglass between shopper and cashier
April 24: Jaylee has a bad headache all day and feels like she’s getting sick, no fever. Needs MDI.
Governor discusses plans to reopen slowly after May 8.
Still 1,200 new cases each day in PA.
April 26: Jaylee not sick.
April 27: Jenn and Jenni to Lowe’s for garden supplies. It was her 1st time out- very anxious.
Jaylee has flowers delivered for being a Sr!
LGH opening another COVID floor b/c local numbers increasing.
April 29: Jaylee and I drove to pick up her 2020 Senior yard sign.
Jaylee’s Psychiatrist did a phone 3 month follow up appt.
At 7pm Litiz had a Community Clamor to support Essential Workers.
April 30: Jackson went to his Physical appt at Pediatrician’s. It was his first time leaving the house. He was nervous, wore a mask, gloves and a bike helmet (?). We called and registered from the car then went straight back to our room. We were in and out in 20 minutes. Then we stopped at Target to get a prize b/c he did so great (nerves, blood work & vaccine).
I went to Stauffer’s for a smaller grocery shopping- still spent $270.
May 1: Jenni and I returned to Lowes for more garden pavers/stones to make a backyard garden.
PA COVID cases up to 45,763 deaths 2,292.
Lititz COVID 111, deaths 11.
USA COVID 1.21M, 69,680 deaths, +21,278 daily
World COVID 3.58M, 252K deaths, +86,108 daily
May 2: Jaylee and I went to Esbenshade’s Garden Center for pants for the back garden. Then the whole family made the garden.
May 4: sh... we “met” Nan and Poppop out at a hiking trail for a socially distanced hike.
Then stopped at Costco on the way hone for TP- no luck:(