Fundraising

Ugh...

That about sums it up..

Ugh.

The end

Maybe I should elaborate?  Mandy was sweet enough to set up a GoFundMe page for our journey over the next few months.  I should mention that I will be out of work for TWELVE weeks, not 4-6.  When they said a "4-6 week recovery, they meant that I can NOT BEND AT THE WAIST for 4-6 weeks!!!!"  

WHAT?!?

Darn CSF fluid and pressure and yadda yadda...

I can not lift anything over 5 lbs for 4-6 weeks.  "You can help in the kitchen, if it's not spaghetti night because you aren't allowed to lift a big pot of spaghetti."  Yowsers.  

Am I so naive that most of what she told me yesterday (pre-op visit with neurosurgery) blew my mind?  

-It could take up to 45 mins just to have my head pinned perfectly into position.  

-The surgery will take 2-3 hours then. 

- I'll go straight to the ICU with A-lines, brain drains, urine catheters, and lots of pain.  

-Because I've had blood clots before, I'll be on Heparin shots and wear special inflatable booties while I'm in the hospital.  I've had to stop a few of my daily meds, as a precaution.  

-I'll have a MRI on day 2 post-op, and again 6 months later. 

-After 3-4 days I should go home, but will sleep most of my days away.  Apparently, the recovery is going to be longer, slower and more tiring that I ever expected. The hearing loss and facial paralysis that is expected, should be short term, once my brain swelling goes down.  The oral steroids should only be for 7-10 days (we all know how nice steroids are... ace, hunger, weight gain, irritability).  

-We will return to Philly to have my sutures removed in 10 days, and again at 4-6 weeks, and for my "clearance" around 12 weeks. 

-This Dr. says that there is a good chance that the tumor will return, but it usually takes 10-20 years until it needs to be "treated" again. I'm not outwardly doubting him, but Dr. Google repeatedly reports  that it is so so rare that it could grow back.  I guess we will have to sit and see.
-I saw the Audiologist and ENT Dr on Monday and passed my hearing test with flying colors!  We now joke that my hearing loss must be "selective".  The Dr, however, was concerned about the size of my goiter (enlarged thyroid gland).  She ordered me an ultrasound to be done today because she's worried that my 3 teeny tiny nodules have gown and need to be biopsied.  IF this is the case, she wants them biopsied asap, before surgery.  If it's not one thing, it's another!

I am so lucky to have parents and in-laws that are so giving of themselves.  I hope they know how much we appreciate them.  Jason's parents will be here for the first three weeks (Apparently, they were more realistic in their expected recovery time.)  They are going to be exhausted!  Taking care of 4 kids tires me out, I can't imagine how wiped they are going to be.    Then my parents will take over, with my sisters out helping out when they can.  

I think as we grow and age, things about us change.  Not only obvious physical things... our opinions and personalities and interests.  One thing that has never changed about me is that I love to be superwoman.  I detest asking for help.  I feel so uncomfortable when people do things for me, that it almost takes away from their help.  I want myself - and others- to know that I CAN DO IT. 

Whatever it is... I CAN do it. 

This will be the 3rd time in my life (all in the past few years) that I need to allow help, even ask for help.  I've had the pleasure of growing a sick baby and having weekly Dr appointments and procedures, I was blessed with blood clots in my last pregnancy that landed me in the ICU for days and then completely complicated his delivery that left me clinging to life with just my finger tips, and now a freaking brain tumor.  Three strikes and I'm out!  I figure this is the end of it all.  I hope so. 

So there is the back story.  I am embarrassed that my sister asked for help for me, when she knew that I would not.  It hits your pride, especially when you're striving to be Superwoman.  I was at first reluctant to accept that the ladies at church have offered to provide some meals.  I have been humbled by the love we have received... kind words, cookies and chocolate, prayers and even a dinner gift card for before surgery.  

I was reluctant to "share" the GoFundMe page.  Mandy quickly told me how silly I was being.  I see her side... people have offered to help, and now it is all in one spot.  Meg's going to link up a meal planner and I'm going to link up my blog for updates.  I don't want to storm FB with things that not everyone is interested in.  I was afraid to actually look at the GoFundMe site since she got it started... in part because it's embarrassing to me.  It's not about the money.  Though we all know it would be idiotic to try to say that it isn't appreciated and I am TRULY appreciative.  It was also that I was terrified that I would look at there would be no traffic... no kind words, no visits, no nothing.  And the thought of that - if I'm being as honest as I can be - is heartbreaking.  

So, 3,000 words later, my message is clear...

THANK YOU to everyone joining us on this ride.  THANK YOU for the prayers.  THANK YOU for the smiles when I'm feeling down.  THANK YOU for the short sweet texts that let me know that I am loved.  THANK YOU for the gifts from your heart.  It is all so so so appreciated.  

Merry Christmas!!