Speechless

There is SO much to say, yet I am sick of speaking and I don't know the right words to wrap up all of the emotions flowing through me today.  I just took a 3 hour nap... anyone who knows me knows that this is serious!!!  I was exhausted....

And for good reason...

My poor poor Jennibelle was SO sick yesturday... my heart was aching for her.

And it was all caused by a darn ear infection.  Her ear was so bad that her Dr told us that she wouldn't be surprised if it ruptured yest, but then atleast Jenni would get some relief. 

Her only complaint was severe ear pain... until we were driving to the Drs appt and she decided to add "Constant Vomitting" to her list!! 

5 hours and a Phenergen later, her vomitting was controlled and we could get her antibiotics in.

I have never seen a person quite her shade of green before...

God only gives you what you can handle, b/c this morning she was 100% better and bouncing off of the walls in Jenni fashion.  She got to stay home from school with Grandma for the day while Jason and I headed back to Geisinger.

Grandma is a whole nother story... she has been such a blessing!!  She'll never know her impact on her family the past 2 weeks.  She was supposed to leave Tuesday but decided to extend her stay until this weekend to help us out.  I hope she knows how THANKFUL we are.  And the kids are LOVING every minute of it.  I know that Jason would have "survived" these roller-coaster weeks, but having his Mama here has ment the world to him.

SO... on to to our trips to Geisinger...

I feel like everytime I document our appt, the plans change immensely!!

Monday (11/1) we were told by Erik Smith that Jackson's bladder is appx 1 cm but is not perfectly round., he used the words "floppy" and "pancake", which we could see on the US.  This concerned him b/c he thought that he may have seen some dialtation of his ureters, which we have not been able to see before.  His kidneys appeared unchanged.  His plan of action was to place a stent with the thought of buying time to allow the bladder to shrink back to a small ball and regain some of it's lost elasticity.  Since the surgery comes with significant risks (including a 8-10% risk of rupturing membranes, which induces labor that can not be stopped), he wanted a 2nd opinion.  He spoke with the specialists at The Fetal Center in Cincinatti and sent them all of my files and US pix.  He was pushing for us to head out there to be seen and have the procedure.  Well, wouldn't you know... the Drs reviewed my case as a group and decided that it was best to contiue with my care at Geisinger since they have been doing everything right and since Jackson still has plenty of amniotic fluid (baby pee).  They recommended weekly US to monitor his amniotic fluid levels, another bladder tap to retest his urine (in the next few weeks) and, get this...

they wanted us to meet with a Pediatric Nephrologist to ...  

 Talk About What Happens After He Is Born!!!!!!!!!!!!

Until today, everything has been so centered on his day-to-day survival.  But now there is optimism in our plan of care and we are...

Relieved, Joyful, Thankful, Hopeful, Happy, Excited, and Absolutely Exhausted!!

Today (11/3) we traveled to Geisinger for Jackson's Heart ECHO and to meet the Perinatal Cardiologist, Dr Ahmaad.  Erik Smith was concerned because, though the fluid around his heart HAD diminished a little, it was still there.  Though this was good news, Erik Smith had Dr Ahmaad squeeze us into his full schedule, which showed some urgency that had us just a little nervous.  No need though...

the Cardiologist could NOT find the fluid all around the heart that we had been seeing and that the Drs were worried about.  He did explain a phenomenom called pseudo-effusion, where on a 2D US it appears to show an effusion, but with the more in-depth ECHO with lit-up blood flow pix, the fluid simply was not there.       Unrelated, he did find a minute pocket of fluid on the other side of his heart, but said that is was of no physioloigcal concern.  He did not even plan to meet with us again...  Until cautious Erik Smith asked him to re-eval the pocket of fluid in 10 weeks. 

The we had another US to peek at his baldder... NO CHANGES since Monday.

YEAH!!!!

Of course, in his usual fashion, Mr Jackson was non-cooperative, laying on his belly, so that the Drs could not drain his bladder for testing today.  We return on Monday (11/8) and if all goes well, we will cont our weekly meetings.  Within the next 2 weeks or so, they do want to be able to drain his bladder with a Amnio needle again but only when he's cooperating, there is no urgency at this time. 

Who knows what I'll blog about next time... each time we go to the Drs, plans change.  It's been nothing but good news the past few visits though, so I am trying to mentally prepare myself for a bomb.  It's hard though, when you're married to Jason, who perpetually believes that everything will work out just fine.

And so far, he has been absolutely right...

In the past 15 days, we have crossed off the following conditions that we were originally dealing with:

  Anemia requiring blood transfusions

Kidney damage that would not allow him to survive

Stent surgery to Jackson's bladder

Fluid around his heart, a sign of heart failure

Chromosomal Abnormalities... pointing towards Downs Syndrome

The Lord has been good to us. 

We were talking last night about what we could learn from this, what God wanted us to learn:

*We have grown as a couple, opening up about our feelings and trusting each other so much more.

*We've grown as a family, praying more together, being honest about Jackson's future, learning about anatomy and physiology, asking and answering lots of questions, and loving each other more.

*We have depended on family for prayer, strength and support.  Not sure what we would have done without Grandma here (thanks to Grandpa for letting us steal her)!!  Nan and Poppop showed me love the best way possible... they spent a whold day here cleaning my house, without pestering me with questions - just being here, silently helping so that I wasn't home alone.  My sisters call every day and when I hear them cry, I know how much they love me and my little man. Jason's family has spent countless hours praying for us and fasting.

*We've decided as a couple, that church needs to be more prevelant in our lives.  Jaylee has been asking a lot about being Baptised, saying that she wants to show everyone how much she loves Jesus!

*We've experienced a true miracle.

I'm not even sure where to go from here... just feels good to get everything written down so that next year, when my memory of this is gone, I can sit and relive the miracles!!!

Our US tech was kind enough to do a 4D US for us.

(Don't worry, all the kids at 20 wks old look quite alien-like and the black lines are only shadows.)

Both girls exclaimed how CUTE he was, though we almost expected disgust!!! Whew...

Here's Jackson!!!